


A Place To Lay My Head

by AshyBear, vote_saxon



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-16 10:39:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3485159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshyBear/pseuds/AshyBear, https://archiveofourown.org/users/vote_saxon/pseuds/vote_saxon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After death there is only darkness...but for Jack there is Ianto.</p><p>Where does Jack's mind go every time that he dies?<br/>To a place where Ianto is waiting for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Death

 

**The First Death by Vote_Saxon**

 

Satellite 5. It was down to me now. I was backed into a corner, Daleks coming right at me. I knew this was the end for me, but it was okay. I had become a better man than I had ever imagined. The Doctor and Rose had given me so much, I knew this was the right thing to do, the right way to die. If there was ever a right time or reason for those sorts of things, this was it. I accepted it, and then I was dead.

And then I wasn’t.

My eyes had only been closed a moment, and yet the room around me had changed. The Daleks were gone, but they hadn’t simply left, this was a completely different place.

I was in a great white room. Was this death? Was there an afterlife? I didn’t think too highly of the idea I could spend an undead eternity in a great white room. My eyes would hurt against the starch white, I would get bored, this was no way to die. But I wasn’t alone. There was someone else here. I stood up from my spot on the floor and walked over to him. He was sitting at a table; I don’t think it was even there before.

“Hello?” I called out, my voice echoing. “This place has a lousy reception service, I’m going to file a complaint.”

As I neared I noticed 2 mugs set out in front a man in a tight fit black pinstripe suit and purple tie.

He looked up at me as I finally came to the seat beside him. I didn’t think that was there before either, things just kept seeming to materialize.

“Hello sir.” He said to me, looking up with big doe eyes that startled me. I struggled for a confident sounding greeting and settled on silence as I sat down.

“Do I know you?” I asked him.

He lowered his head, as if he was deep in thought.

“No, sir, but I know you. I am just here to help. Just think of me as a guide.” He said softly.

“A guide for what? What is this, where am I?” I was becoming slightly irritated at the vagueness of the situation.

“I am your guide for dying.”

“Who are you.” It was harder now to keep the aggressive tone out of my voice, and I stood back up quickly, almost like a reflex to his words.

“My name is Ianto, please don’t be alarmed. I just want to help. I’m sorry, but it’s hard to explain. It might be easier to show you.” The man said, worry crossing his face. He looked so concerned, it crushed me inside and I couldn’t stop myself from softening. Why did this man look so pained?

“Focus on something, like this room. You hate it don’t you?” Ianto said, assuming my answer.

“Yes it’s horrible, it’s white and bleachy and blinding. It does nothing for my complexion. Or yours for that matter.” I added.

He grinned slightly at that.

“Imagine it anyway you want it. What would your perfect version of this room look like?” he said.

Before a fully formed thought could even come to my lips, the room changed before my eyes. Now the walls were paneled in light brown wood, the floors carpeted in beige and the chair under Ianto morphed into a red love seat beside a roaring fireplace. The walls came closer together, creating the atmosphere of a cozy log cabin after a ski. It was as if the room had always looked this way, cozy and welcoming.

Ianto looked impressed and pleased with himself. “This is lovely Jack.”

“How do you know my name? What is going on here?” I was still very alarmed but weirdly comforted that I had some level of control over my surroundings.

“You’ve died Jack. This is just your first time, and what I am going to tell you next is going to upset you, but, this is not your last death.” He looked sad again, I wish I could take that look off his face, I wanted him to smile again.

“Oh yes, of course. That sounds normal. The immortal man now am I?” I grinned broadly at the boy.

“Basically yes, and I am so sorry.”

“You’re serious about this? This is the story you want to stick with?”

“I wouldn’t lie to you sir.” Ianto kept frowning, like it caused him actual physical pain to have to be saying these words. “You will die, from time to time…and you will come here. While your body heals itself, I can keep you company, give your consciousness a place to rest…and then you will leave me.”

“Leave you?”

“I mean, then you will leave this place. Your mind will leave here, but I will be here everytime you die, _I will wait for you.”_

“Will I remember this?” I asked.

“I was afraid you were going to ask me that.” He smiled, finally.

“Well?”

“No, sir.”

“Okay, so I get a vacation between deaths with a figment of my imagination? Supposedly…assuming your story checks out.”

“Yes, sir.” He continued grinning now, I liked this much better than him looking sad. I basically decide right away to make sure this boy doesn’t have to frown anymore.

There’s a knocking on the ceiling. At least I think that’s where it came from, I don’t think there was ceiling there before.

“That’s my cue. Sorry, sir, it’s time to go now.”

“But I still have a lot of questions, and I haven’t even touched my tea yet!” I said, pointing to the mugs beside Ianto, who had yet to move.

“It’s alright sir, I’ll keep it warm for you.”

He had a trusting face, but it felt like he was saying so much more with those few words.

“Goodbye sir, I’ll wait for you here.” He nodded at me and I opened my mouth to speak and then –

 

x

 

I woke up with a start, grasping for air and looking around crazily, the Daleks were gone, and I had been shot, I was sure of it. What had happened? I had to find Rose, find the Doctor-quickly! I was running out of time!

I ran as quickly as I could but by the time I got to the top of Satellite 5, there was no sign of anyone including the Doctor and his TARDIS. I was alone.

I had never felt so confused before. Tired, I sat on panel and rubbed my temples. Something was wrong, something was out of place, and that was me. I was in the wrong year, on a strange satellite, and somehow had avoided being killed by Daleks. I looked down at my arm, my vortex manipulator. I could zap myself back…because I had been abandoned here…

It was time to restart and make a new life for myself on Earth….and first things first I would need to find one thing out for sure, how did I survive? What am I?


	2. Questions For My Guide

 

**Chapter 2: Questions for my Guide by AshyBear**

 

I was running as fast as I could through the forest and still pushing myself to go faster. I didn't care how many men were chasing me, there was no way I was going to let them kill me. There’s still too many unanswered question about death, this could be the last time I come back. Or maybe I won’t come back this time at all, I'll just stay dead.

So I keep running and running. Until I hear a gun being fired and everything goes black…

It’s only black for a moment until my eyes slowly open and I see I’m in a medium sized room that appears to be in a log cabin. It takes only a few seconds for me to register what’s going on.

“Ianto?” I call out; hoping the man in the suit will answer.

“Right here, sir.” He answers politely as he comes around the corner of another room, a coffee in hand.

“How many times?” I ask knowing I’ll get the same vague answers he always gives.

I’m not sure why he refuses to tell me how many times I’ve died. Will it really make a difference in the end? Will there ever be an end? At this point I seriously doubt it.

“One more than the last time sir.” He smirks.

“Alright. So what should we do this time?”

“That’s completely up to you sir. But if you’d like a suggestion I do enjoy when we just sit and talk.” He smiled shyly.

He means when I talk, because he rarely says a thing about himself or what he’s doing here. But that will change today, even if I have to seduce the answer out of him; which will be just as much fun on my end.

“Sounds good to me but only if you’ll make more coffee.”

“Of course sir.” Ianto smiled; the smile he has that makes my heart melt.

After the coffee was made and the two of us were sitting on the couch he looks up at me longingly. Like he needs me to tell him everything that’s happened since the last time we spoke. I smiled at him and took a sip of my perfectly made coffee before turning my body to face him.

“I wanna talk about you this time. There’s so much about you I don’t know.” I said as I leaned in to kiss his neck.

“There isn’t much to tell.” He sighed.

“What’s your full name? I can’t even greet you properly without knowing your full name.” I kissed him again.

He swallowed hard “Jones, Ianto Jones.”

“Well then it’s nice to meet you Jones, Ianto Jones.”

I saw Ianto wince slightly as I greeted him, like he was remembering something good but it hurt. He does that sometimes when I speak to him.

“Why are you here? Are you dead too? How did you die?” I ask as I slide my hand up his inner thigh.

“Yes, I am. I died a long time from now, I was murdered.”

“I’m sorry.” I stopped kissing him so I could look at him.

“It wasn’t your fault Jack.” he said with a small smile. More meaning behind his words than I could ever understand.

“So how did you end up with this job?” I asked cautiously, not wanting to bring up bad memories.

“Just got lucky I guess.” He winked “Do you have any more questions for me?”

“Why do you make the coffee If I can control what appears and disappears? I mean, your coffee is the best but you don’t have to make it.” I rambled a bit, but he kept smiling.

“I like making coffee for you. And besides if I wasn’t making it what would I do when you’re not here?”

“How long am I gone for? I mean how long does it feel like for you?”

“It always feels like an eternity when you are not with me.” he smiled shyly “but it is nowhere near that long.”

He is such a sweet man; it makes me feel worse for forgetting him when I wake up. But I can only control what I do with him while I’m dead, and right now I wanted nothing more than to kiss him. So I’m going to.

Staying in the same position facing him I lean in closer, slowly so I don’t startle him. Then I bring my lips to his. I don’t think that I have ever, dead or alive, had a better kiss than with his lips.

But then, because all good things come to an end, the knocking started.

“You have to go now sir.” Ianto said softly.

“And if I don’t want to leave you?”

“It’ll be okay. _I will wait for you._ ”

 

x

 

I woke up gasping for breath, desperately trying to fill my lungs with air again. I died, I came back, and now I was going to go find whoever shot me and make them pay.


	3. Hold Me At The Fireplace

**Chapter 3: Hold Me At the Fireplace**

**By vote_saxon**

 

 

“How did you die this time Jack?” Ianto asked me as we fell into our routine of walking over to the love seat and sipping our coffee.

“Ah, who knows…one thing or another. It’s so hard to keep track these days.” I tried not to give myself away, but I had a bad feeling that he would be able to see through me. Times were hard and I was alone on Earth, wandering and wondering if I would ever truly die or just roam pointlessly for all eternity. There was no sign of the Doctor, I would never be able to ask for his help. I felt so helpless, so I did the only thing I could think of. I died. Often, and of my own hand. I jumped off buildings, started bar fights, experimented with poisons and gasses. Each death was so close together, I had noticed Ianto seeming more and more suspicious at the rate of my deaths with each time we met on the love seat. Today was no exception.

“Sir, I can’t help but notice you were here just a few hours ago…”

“Ianto, do you exist?’

He seemed started by my question and almost dropped his coffee mug, but being either the perfectly made man or a figment of my deceased imagination, he managed not only to avoid spilling a single drop, but he gracefully, albeit loudly, placed the mug right side up on the table.

“Pardon me, sir?” His eyebrows crunched in and he looked very serious. I was almost afraid of him.

“Are you real? Or do you only exist when I’m dead?” I asked him. I wanted answers but I also didn’t want to push him too far, I didn’t want to lose him.

“Both of those are correct. I’ve tried to explain before…but it’s just...complicated…Jack, can’t you at least appreciate that fact? Things are complicated and I do the best I can with them.”

He stood up and walked over the fireplace. I winced at the feeling of his warmth leaving my side on the love seat.

“Why are you dying so often? Why won’t you tell me how you died?” Ianto asked, hiding his face from me.

The distance was too much, so I followed him and lay my head on his back and wrapped my arms around his perfectly tailored suit, my hands finding his at his front.

“We can never seem to answer each other’s questions properly.” I said softly, my face nudging into his shoulder area like a cat.

“I drove off a bridge.” I continued, closing my eyes and reliving the panic and terror of freefalling off the bridge, into the sky and smacking hard into the water. My body may still be trapped in the car now, or stuck under the lake somewhere. Maybe that would give me more time here, the longer it takes for my body to be found and for it to push the water out of my lungs and wake itself up. That was always the worst part.

“Why did you do that?” Ianto sounded like he was crying. I couldn’t handle the sound of his sorrow and I spun him around to me. He reached for my face before the thought even occurred to me. His lips pressed against mine with an urgency and aggressiveness that he wasn’t typically known for. When he tried to pull away I pulled him back, keeping him with me as long as I could, and wiping the tears from his cheeks with my thumb.

Finally he rested his head on my shoulder and I just ran my hands through his soft short hair. This was nice; I wish I could remember it when I awoke. Then at least then the suicides would make sense, I would be killing myself to come be with this beautiful loving man. But that was just my own stupidity.

“I would say that I won’t do it again, but you and I both know that I won’t remember you when I wake up. This conversation never even happened.” I felt like I would cry at this point, but I held it in. This was real for Ianto, as real as my body floating lifelessly in the water. I couldn’t let him remember me as a crying mess, I wanted to be strong for him.

“When you say to me, that you will wait for me, what do you mean?” I was terrified of the answer after putting the pieces together in my head.

“I just wait, I always wait. It’s wonderful and terrible to see you here, because it means you have died again, you have felt the pain of death that I am all too familiar with. But without your deaths I would be alone here for so very very long… all alone.”

“You’re here alone while I am out there alive…living a life you cannot have…how is that fair?” I winced, holding him even closer to me, trying to memorize his shape and how he fit perfectly on my shoulder.

“I never said it was fair, but it is what I chose. The days when you are here with me are the best I could ever ask for.” He looked up and smiled at me, eyes rimmed with tears now refusing to fall over his eyelids. Waiting there, likely for the moment when the knocking began. How much crying did this boy endure while I was out walking around in the world looking for ways to end my own life?

“It breaks my heart to leave you Ianto.” He looked conflictingly happy and sad to hear me say these kinds of things.

“You must though, sir. You always must.” He started adjusting my shirt and straightening it out, as if he had creased me.

“I don’t want to live anymore, I don’t need to be out there, I belong here with you, and you know it. I’m a man out of my own time…” I started, trying to figure out a way I could finally stay dead, maybe Ianto had a way to keep me here…

“Don’t speak like that Jack. You must live because there is so much more for you to do and see. People to save, hearts to break. Without living there is so much you will be missing and many who will miss knowing you.”

“Why do you have to be so smart Ianto?”

“It is my burden to bear, sir. I am also burdened with being the only being competent with a coffee machine.” He smiled widely at his boast; he prided himself in his coffee making capabilities.

“I know I will never look at a cup of coffee the same my Ianto.”

“I am you know, sir. And, also, as always _, I will wait for you_.”

“You are what?” I asked holding onto his hand.

Then the knocking started and everything started to go white. I tried to hold on tighter but I felt his hand evaporate in mine.

x

I awoke with a start on the bank of a river, police cars around me, a cop walking over to me preparing to put my wrists in cuffs. Of COURSE I would be arrested for driving into a river. Excellent.

I heard a voice say “Yours” In my ear, and I looked around for the source of the voice but there was no one close enough to have made the sound in such a sad whisper near me. I shook it off and figured it was just the water leaving my ears and making me hear things. Next adventure, time for a bit of jail!


	4. I Enjoy Kissing You

**Chapter 4: I Enjoy Kissing You by AshyBear**

 

Torchwood is not paying me enough for this. Putting me in the field by myself for small missions is one thing, but taking on five large unidentified aliens with sword-like hands alone is a bit much.

Well, there were five of them, but now there are four. What happened to the fifth?

No time to think about it though, I just keep fighting. Until everything goes black, and then Ianto is in front of me.

“Hello sir, coffee?”

I’m unable to answer, still slightly panicked about my most recent death.

“Are you okay Jack?” Ianto asks grabbing my hands and pulling them from where I was grabbing at my neck.

“I, I lost my head.”

“You don’t seem angry?” Ianto looked very confused.

“No I mean I literally lost my head. An alien cut it off, I’ve been decapitated.”

He looked up at me with tears glistening his eyes and pulled me to him. He hugged me tighter than he has in all the time I’ve known him.

I didn’t realize I was crying until my eyes were so blurred I couldn’t see. Ianto just held me closer and tighter. He broke the hug a few minutes later and wiped the tears from my cheek.

“I’m sorry.” I apologized.

“No. Jack don’t apologize to me. No matter what happens to you or me or between us you never have to apologize.”

“Okay” I gave him a small smile “I’ll be fine when I wake up anyways. I’m always fine when I wake up, only problem is you're not there.”

“Yeah” Ianto gave a soft knowing smile.

It always seems like he knows more than I do. But that’s not possible if he’s always asking me about how I died and what I’ve been up to. Speaking of which…

“You didn’t seem fazed when I said alien. Most people would be concerned by that.”

“Well you were also decapitated which killed you and brought you here to me where we will sit and talk until your body puts itself back together. Then you will “wake up” and go on with your life having no memory of me. So aliens don’t really faze me no” Ianto smirked and turned to leave the room.

“Wait, where are you going?” I asked grabbing his upper arm.

“Just getting us some coffee sir” he chuckled.

I followed him to the coffee room and watched him from the doorway for a couple minutes as he started up the machine. When he started putting in the coffee I went up behind him and circled my arms around his waist, clasping my hands together on his stomach. I rested my head on his shoulder for a moment before kissing his neck a couple times, I felt him shiver at my touch. I unhooked my arms and rubbed my hand up and down his arm.

“I think you’re wrong.” I whisper into his ear, he shivers again.

“What do you mean sir?” he asks in a sigh as he turns to face me, still in my arms.

“I think I do remember you when I’m not here. Barely but it’s like a very distant memory that I can’t quite remember.”

“I wasn’t aware that you could remember any of this, sir. Does that change anything?”

“Not even slightly.” I say before capturing his lips with mine.

I’ve been alive for a long time and I can’t remember ever enjoying kissing someone as much as I enjoy kissing Ianto. I think only Captain John came close but he was really more of a fling than anything else.

“What is it you’re thinking about?” Ianto asked as he turned to hand me my coffee.

“I don’t think we have much time to talk.” I sighed.

“Well we could always kiss some more if you’d like. But we have more time then you realize, it may take a bit for you to go back after the severity of your death.”

“Do we have time to kiss and talk?” I asked kissing him quickly.

Ianto nodded and lead the way to the love seat we usually occupy. He waited expectantly for me to speak.

“I was thinking of how much I enjoy kissing you.”

“I enjoy kissing you too, sir.” Ianto smiled warmly.

“I haven’t kissed someone I’ve cared about in quite awhile.” I sighed deep in thought.

“Really? Tell me about him, or her, or um _it_ I guess.” he stuttered a bit, but seemed genuinely interested.

I chuckled “Him. He was a good friend of mine from the time agency” Ianto stiffened a bit. “We were partnered together for awhile and we had feelings for each other. It wouldn’t have lasted though” Ianto relaxed slightly then. “I still miss him from time to time; he’d make working for Torchwood a lot more interesting that’s for sure”

“How is the job with Torchwood going anyways?”

“They don’t trust me. But I guess they never will seeing as they hunt aliens and I’m an alien” I looked to him waiting for a look of shock or surprise but it never came. “But you seem to already know that. Why does none of this bother you?”

Ianto laughed, actually laughed. This is not funny.

“Sorry sir, you just look very cute when you’re upset. Yes I am aware that you are not from Earth, you’re from the Boeshane Peninsula, am I correct?”

I nod unsure of where he would have gotten this information about me.

“I’m not sure if I should be worried or not” I admitted after a minute or so of silence.

“Do you trust me Jack?”

I find myself saying yes without hesitation. I do trust him, I trust him more then I trust anybody.

“Good, because I’ll always wait for you.” he whispers

I’m caught up in my own thoughts when he kisses me. It’s just as amazing as all the other times except there’s more to it. Like he’s putting everything into the kiss, so I put everything I have into it also. I give Ianto everything I have even if the knocking is telling me I have only seconds left with him I keep kissing him.

x

I open my eyes quickly to see I’m in a dark room. I grab at my neck and sigh in relief when I realize everything is attached. I bring my hand to my lips, they feel tingly and I feel like I've forgotten something important. Maybe it’s a side effect of losing your head or something.

“I still don’t know how you do it.”

I look up to see the familiar face of the elderly doctor that Torchwood hired. They must have came and found me after the attack.

“Do you know if they got the alien that killed me?”

“No, I don’t think they did.”

“Of course they didn’t.” I sighed realizing they’d probably send me back out to finish the job.


	5. The Center Of My Rage

**Ch 5: The Center Of My Rage by Vote_Saxon**

-

I curled up on the gurney trying to hold tight to my stomach that felt like it was ripping me apart from the inside out. I rolled off and onto the floor, the impact of my weight hitting the floor felt like agony, the kind of agony I had never experienced up until this point. My eyes followed a path of blood coming from my mouth, my ears and my nose. It was hard to tell where each bit came from, I was like a faucet. I couldn’t control it anymore and I finally gave in, my eyes rolling into the back of my head and my life slowly leaving my body. I left myself behind a cold corpse on the gravel road.

X

I stormed into the cabin with a rage usually reserved for foreign dictators and missing Doctors. I felt like I was on fire, the anger eating away at me. I was fully prepared to start off screaming at Ianto about the injustice of it all-so much good I could have done, the people I could have helped-if not for this damn alien plague epidemic! I couldn’t control it and that was my JOB! If I couldn’t do that, if I couldn’t even help the people in the line of fire, without getting myself infected and useless, what was the point of me? I was so caught up in my rage, running around at full speed, knocking things off counters and shelves it barely registered at first. Ianto was nowhere to be seen.

“Ianto?” I asked gingerly, realizing myself, and starting to be concerned. I always had a fear that one day I would die an Ianto wouldn’t be there. Was this is? I took the coffee machine on the floor as a sign that today was not the day I would continue the rest of my life without Mr. Jones.

Shame filled up inside me as I bent to my knees and picked up the machine and the mess I made.

“Ianto, I’m sorry….where are you?” I whispered, as if lowering my voice now would erase all the pompous yelling I had come into his quiet lonely world with. He was taking the long way around and I had the nerve to come in here and complain to him? I was an asshole.

I tidied up best I could before wandering around past the coffee room. I had never wandered this far before. I was intrigued to find a small closet room, with a cot bed along the wall. It was bare except for that and mostly empty except for a few books I recognized from the times Ianto and I had discussed novels he liked. Why didn’t he have anything else?

“Ianto? I need you, where are you?” I whispered again, turning to leave the small are with the cot.

“I’m here Jack, I’d never leave you.” A voice came from behind me.

I spun around on the spot and discovered Ianto laying casually sprawled out on the cot behind me.

“Oh thank GOD!” My voice rose up again but this time it was filled with pure relief. “Oh my Ianto!” I practically flew myself over to him and was laying on top of him in ten seconds flat. I could feel him smiling as I smothered him with longing kisses.

“I was so afraid you had gone!” I said finally, holding him closely as if he could disappear again any moment.

“I often also have a fear sir, that you will never come back here to me, and in essence be gone.” He said calmly. Clearly this was something he had given quite some thought to in my long absence.

“Was it my fault? I was angry. I…” I started, trying to find a way to explain myself without causing him grief. He always felt pain when I described my deaths.

“The cabin hid me. Your rage overshadowed your need for me at this time.”

“I didn’t want you to see me that way. I just couldn’t help it.”

“I love every piece of you, sir. Even the dark and angry parts. “ Ianto said softly before kissing my cheek.

“Don’t. You shouldn’t love me, Ianto. You’re such a sweet boy, and I…well, I don’t know what I am anymore. A monster, definitely.”

He ran his hands through my hair as we cuddled. It was soft, calming and nice. But I had a pit growing in my stomach, I knew I would have to go back and how I would feel, vile and angry. I didn’t want to take it out on Ianto, but what choice did I have? I had no one else, living or dead to talk to. He was my only one.

“What do you do when I’m not here Ianto?” I asked, trying to defer the subject from my self-pity party.

“I sometimes read, I pace, I quite good at that. Also, I prepare the coffee and keep things in tip top shape.” He sounded proud; perhaps when he was alive he was some kind of caretaker. He took such pride in that kind of work.

“But it’s such a long time to sit and wait.” I said.

“Yes, it is.” He said it matter of factly, without any regret or sadness.

“Why don’t you have more things here for yourself?”

“The only items here in this space are what you have imagined, or placed here with your mind. I have no power here. “ Ianto stated.

“Why didn’t you ever ask me to give you anything Ianto?” I was panicked now; this was my fault once again. Here he was waiting for me every time, here just to make my transitions from death and back into life easier, and I hadn’t given a moment’s thought to how he passed his time when I was alive and far far away from him.

“I didn’t want to be a bother sir. We have such a short time in which to be together each time. “ He kissed my forehead, the time crunch still looming over our heads every moment.

“I love you Ianto, so much, and you will never be a bother to me. I want you to have everything you have ever dreamed…” I started, trying to think up a way to make this room give him what he needs.

He looked at me hard, his eyes welled up with tears refusing to fall. I knew what he was thinking. Me. I was his dream, he wanted me. The one thing I couldn’t leave behind for him and it broke my heart.

“I want there to be a room, a giant room, bigger on the inside, filled with books, every kind of book ever written. I want a room filled with games and movies and all kinds of music and most importantly I want you to have a beautiful bedroom with all your favorite colours and the softest bedding, fit for a king.”

I had gotten so worked up we barely heard the knocking in the distance had been going on. Insistent and annoying.

“Thank you sir.” Ianto said softly to me.

I took his hand in mine and held it firmly.

“I won’t ever let go of you.” I said, as I watched the tears finally fall down his face. The single most painful thing my eyes would ever witness.

_“I will wait for you…Jack…”_

 

X

 

I woke up in a cell block surrounded by plastic sheets. Some kind of quarantine and I was grouped in with the deceased. I panicked, I did NOT want to recatch that crazy alien diease! I started hollering as loud as my newly awakened lungs could yell.

My face was wet and I couldn’t understand why, I assumed the bodies had been hosed down at some point. Maybe.


	6. I Only Love You in Death

**Ch 6: I Only Love You in Death by AshyBear**

Angelo. He’s the only thing on my mind, I got him into this and I’ll get him out of it safely. He seems to be taking the whole 'we just found an alien thing' well but he could just be in shock over the whole thing. But either way I know I can trust him with this. To keep it to himself.

We’ve been running for a few minutes before we hit a fence. I help Angelo up; I need him to get away. I can’t let anything happen to him, especially since these guys seem to have guns.

I hear the bang ringing in my ears and I look up at Angelo, his face filled with concern. His eyes were filling with tears. I’m dying at the worst possible time, what if something happens to him? Then everything slowly faded into black.

I look around slowly, noticing Ianto’s not in sight. He’s probably in his bedroom or maybe it’s like he said and I don’t want to see him yet.

I love Ianto but I have a life with Angelo. It may not be solid or long term but it’s real, real to me. But I guess this is real to Ianto, and this is real to me too. At least it’s real while I’m here.

Maybe I should just go find Ianto, talking to him could help. And coffee could definitely help. I’ll probably find him in his room.

I walked down the hall till I came to the door I recognized as his and took a deep breath. I walked in to see him stretched out on the large bed with a book covering his face. He was still wearing his suit minus the jacket which was neatly hung on the bedpost beside him.

“Hi” I said sheepishly, realizing he probably knew I didn’t want to see him right away.

“Hello Jack” he said politely as he lowered his book.

His smile is enough to light up the room.

“Can I come sit with you?”

“Of course sir” he smiled.

I walked over to the large bed and climbed up beside him, noticing his shirt was mostly unbuttoned. No reason for only some of the buttons to be done up, might as well undo them all.

Ianto shivers when my fingers brush against his now bare skin. I wink at him before I kiss his neck and jaw before making my way to his lips until we’re full on snogging. Just like I was with Angelo only hours ago. And now I feel guilty.

“I’m sorry” I say as I pull away from him.

“Are you okay?”

“You know I love you, right?”

“Yes” Ianto smiled “and I love you too”

I couldn’t help but smile. He’s such a sweet man; I just wish I could be with him when I’m alive so I can have a proper life with him. Then maybe this wouldn’t be so hard.  
I want to tell him about Angelo but it’s hard to find the right way of saying it. I really don’t want to hurt his feelings or make him think he means less to me.

“Jack, what’s wrong?” He asked concerned “you said you’re sorry, what are you sorry for?”

“I’m sorry”

“Jack please just tell me” he sounded even more worried now.

“I’msortofdatingsomeone” I say quickly.

“Pardon sir?”

“I said, I’m sort of dating someone”

“Oh, what do you mean by dating?”

“Well we live together in New York and we’ve been briefly working together but I really like him and he likes me and we’ve also slept together, multiple times. I really like him”

“I understand” Ianto said encouragingly.

“Really? I thought you’d be more upset. I mean considering this is real for you. Not that it isn’t real for me too, I just mean I can’t remember it when I’m alive so I can’t help but have the same feelings for someone else if I don’t know I have feelings for you“

Ianto chuckled “its okay Jack, it hurts but I know how you feel about me and you can’t help but not remember this. So will you tell me about him?” he asked laying his head on my chest.

I kissed the top of his head lightly before giving my answer “His name’s Angelo Colasanto, he’s a really nice guy. A little ashamed of being himself but he’s getting over that quickly. He looks at the world like he’s a lost puppy, I get to show him things and tell him things that make his eyes light up with wonder, I love being with him”

“I half expected you to tell me about how good he is in bed” Ianto chuckled.

“Oh he’s great in bed. He sometimes gets in these moods where he feels like what we’re doing is wrong and for some reason it just makes it even hotter, like he wants to break all the rules to be with me”

“Well I’m happy for you sir and as always i'll wait for you” Ianto said smiling up at me “is it still okay if we kiss while you’re here though?”

It’s my turn to smile at him now. I lean in and brush my lips against his; as soon as our lips touch he grabs the back of my neck and pulls me in closer. The kiss is hot and possessive which makes me realize he’s jealous. But if he keeps kissing me like this, then a little jealousy never hurt anybody.

I barely register the knocking in the background.

I gasp for breath and slightly register the end result of a terrible headache before taking in my surroundings.

Angelo? Did he get away? Please let him have gotten away.

I get up and walk down the alley until I catch my footing then break out into a run towards the room we rent together. Ignoring the people I pass I push myself to run even faster, hoping when I get there he’ll be there.

He isn’t, the room is empty besides the few things we left out before we went to finish my Torchwood mission. The stupid mission that got Angelo in trouble.

I have to believe he’s okay though if he wasn’t dead on the side of the road with me. He’ll be okay.


	7. 1928

** Chapter 7: 1928 **

**By vote_saxon**

** Little Italy, 1928 **

 

Finally, Angelo was out of jail and we could be together again. I was overjoyed as I pulled him along to the same little room that we once were so close together in. He seemed wary, I knew, this was a lot to handle. Even for me, sometimes, being alive was so bewildering; it took time to get used to.

“I don’t know who you are.” He said to me, as we lay together, about to be close again.

“I’m Jack.” It was an honest an answer as I could come up with.”

“That’s not an answer.” Angelo said.

“It's an answer. First of many. Come on. You've been locked away for a year. I know you'll like this. I can feel that you'll like this.” We started to kiss again. But something felt wrong… I knew this a split second before I felt the familiar stab of steel into my side.

“What the hell, Angelo? What did you do? “ I panicked, trying to get myself together.

“Sei il diavolo.“ Angelo swore.

This was why I could never be close to anyone…this was too much for people to handle. It was all over now.  
“I am not the devil.” I pleaded. But it was too late. I looked into his sad eyes as the blade came towards my heart. He pierced my heart and I fell into darkness once again. Losing him forever.

  
“It's the only way. The devil seduces with confidence. Stay away from me…devil.” Was the last thing he said and then I was safe.

X

Ianto was waiting for me on a couch in his new library. He was reading, and deep in thought. His face was scrunched up and he seemed displeased.  


I felt sore inside, not just a reminder of the stabbing…I had been stabbed plenty of times…and also in the heart. This wasn’t new. What was new, was being viciously killed by someone that I loved so much. How could he hurt me like this? My put my hand over my heart and I felt it beating, but it seemed like such a lie. How could your heart continue beating after your love pulverizes it this way?

“Did you know this was going to happen to me?” I asked Ianto as I took a seat across from him.

“I’m sorry sir; I’m not sure to what you are referring.”

He seemed cold, so unlike himself.

“What’s happened to you?” I felt like spikes were running up and down my heart. Not after what I just went through with Angelo, surely not…Ianto would not decide to be done with me as well…The universe couldn’t really be that cruel….but maybe it could.

“What do you expect from me Jack? I don’t exactly have a calendar over here that says “Jack’s Deaths”, I don’t know what time you are coming from and I can’t just…”

“You are a liar Ianto Jones. You know exactly how much time has passed since last I saw you. And you know more than you are telling me. Now tell me.”

Ianto paused for a moment his face reddening; he slammed his hardcover book shut and stared at me in the face.

“I know everything, Jack. Your whole entire life, every love, every death, every moment that you were happy or sad. I know about your family and your homes and the man in the blue box. I know everything Jack. Don’t you think I would love nothing more than to divulge my every memory of you? It’s not the time, it’s not the place. Things need to happen the way they are meant to happen. YOU were the one who taught me that. I know the rules, Jack.”

“You are a liar, every word out of your mouth is a lie. How can I trust you? Mysterious being in my brain’s closet! I don’t even KNOW you! You are just a distraction from the pain of my death and I don’t have time for this anymore! What is the POINT of you?”

“You are just angry at me because of Angelo.” Ianto said, tears tumbling over his eyelids. “Everytime you are here you make me cry. Maybe it would be better for us both if I never saw you again.”

“Don’t say his name!” I crumbled, my voice cracking. The idea of losing Ianto forever, terrifying me more than anything we were fighting about.

“You loved him more than you will ever love me, and I have to live…I have to be here, knowing that, every minute. I am nothing compared to Angelo.”

I wanted to argue with him, but I knew he was right. In the real world, I knew nothing of Ianto. He wasn’t real, but my love for Angelo was.

“Loving Angelo didn’t end very well for me. I can’t believe he stabbed me like that. I have never been so surprised…”My anger with Ianto was fading, my distrust of the situation still high, but I felt broken.

“Wait, WHAT?” Ianto shouted. “He stabbed you?! You never mentioned that.”

“Well, I’m mentioning it now…that’s how I died…I thought you knew everything?”

“You told me that Angelo broke UP with you, in the future that is what you tell me.”

“I don’t understand…why would I…”

The knocking came but before they had a moment to say goodbye, Ianto was gone.

X

I awoke to see my landlord and landlady hovering over me, screams coming from their mouths as I gasped for breath and the wound in my chest closed.

“Il Diavlo!!!” they screamed as the man came at me with a butcher knife and stabbed me multiple times until I blacked out.

X

“IANTO, IANTO.” I panted. This death had been very aggressive and I was reeling from dying again so soon.

“Sir! What on Earth are you doing here; you have only been gone for one minute!”

“My landlord killed me! I don’t know what’s happening, Angelo betrayed me!”

“Sir, I am so sorry!” Ianto held me close, putting away our fights and our resentment while he once again gave me a place to lay my head in my moment of need. Knightly Ianto.

The knocking banged, louder than ever, pulling me from his grip, I flew away from him like ripping a fresh bandaid from a wound.

X

I gasped for air and realized that I was suspended. My arms were tied above my head and I was soaked in my own blood. A crowd had formed, led by my landpeople and Angelo. It was a brute mob; here to kill me, I knew it. I was powerless and Angelo did nothing to stop it.

As they chanted “Il Diavlo” and chose their weapons to hack at me with, I hoped that someone somewhere would take pity on me and take me from this world. I hoped with each swing of the blade that with this death, it would be my last.

X

I was disoriented, and out of breath, I kept having glimpses of both worlds. Alive one minute and dead the next, it was hard to keep track. The world was spinning and no matter where I went, I saw black spots in my eyes. Even in death I was drenched in blood, my own dead brain unable to keep the worlds separate anymore. I had glimpses of Ianto shrieking and crying at the sight of me, naked and covered in blood, laying on the floor one minute and then gone the next. Sometimes I had glimpses of him running here and there with clothes and towels and once a basin of water. Sometimes I woke up in different rooms and I could hear him searching for me as I called out with a raspy voice, my throat having been recently slashed. I was in and out at an incredible speed as the mob showed no mercy and the death knocking on the door of my unconscious mind never coming to a stop. Banging mercilessly for what felt like days…or weeks… I never had the chance to ask.

Finally it came to a slow. I had long enough to gather my surroundings. I was dead, the cabin coming clear around me, as I wiped blood from my eyes.

“How did you not know about this?!” I looked up at him from the floor, as he spun around to locate where the sound of my voice was coming from this time.

“I only know what you have TOLD me Jack. You once told me everything. There is a time, in your future, I am the one you tell everything to. This for some reason…you decided not to tell me about.” Ianto’s voice was shot, as if he had been screaming for a million years. His eyes were ringed red and blue, he hadn’t slept and he hadn’t stopped crying. It was all my fault too, I made this beautiful boys’ life into a nightmare.

“That time is also right now, Ianto. I know why I must not have told you about this. I must really love you Ianto Jones…this version of me that you know so well in the future…I made up a simple lie to cover up this time in my life, so that you would not feel the pain that you so clearly feel for me. I was trying to protect you…” I wanted to reach out my hand to touch his face, but my arm would only just barely budge. “I’ll tell you one thing though…I am so glad that you are here. I couldn’t have suffered this alone. I won’t give up on you Ianto. I was wrong to distrust you.”

He reached for my hand, seeing my struggled. He brought my hand to his lips and kissed my fingers. Then he held my hand to his face and closed his eyes.

“We may fight Jack…and sometimes I may hate you, but at the end of it all, I will always love you and I will always wait for you.”

“I know what that means, it means I must leave you again now.”

“Hopefully sir, I won’t see you again for a long time. It pains me each time that you die. Try to exercise some self-preservation next time?”

“I’ll do my best darling Ianto. But I am sure I get myself killed each time just so I can lay my eyes on yours one more time.”

“I’m sure that was the angry mobs intent. To give us more time together.” He kissed my hand again, surely remembering the way I was torn from him however long ago it was since this barrage of deaths began.

“Right…I still have to go back and deal with that. It seems like the worst part is over now.”

“You will be alright Jack. You can make it.” Ianto said softly, his voice still barely above a whisper.

“Until the next time, my love.”

X

I awoke with Angelo before me. He had cut my binds and taken me down from the center of the mob lynching. This was a jailbreak. My love had come back for me, but it would never be the same. I couldn’t fathom trusting another human being again with my secret. I accepted the clothes he gave me and the help along while my body continued to heal. But at the first opportunity, I flung myself from a roof and out of Angelo’s life…forever.


	8. Knowing Ianto

**Chapter 8: Knowing Ianto**

**by: AshyBear**

 

There will always be that one person that you trust that betrays you. I just never thought it would be Suzie Costello, she didn’t seem like the type. She was so dedicated to her work and her team, I think even her and Owen had something going on.

But here she is threatening Gwen’s life on the side of the road and attempting to steal Torchwood property. That glove was always going to be trouble; too much power for one person.

I was about to step off the perception filter to try reasoning with her or, at the very least, get the gun pointed at me and away from Gwen. Until Suzie’s rambling caught my attention.

“You’ve got to get inside this stuff. Surrender yourself to it. I did, with the knife and the glove, and that’s why the perception filter isn’t gonna work on me.”

Before I could react she aimed the gun and shot. Everything went dark before I even hit the pavement.

X

  
Then it was bright again and I was lying down but not on the pavement, on a bed. With Ianto sitting beside me.

“Hello sir.”

“Ianto? Ianto! Oh god! Ianto!” I practically yelled as I hugged him close.

He looked very confused as to why I was screaming his name but I didn’t care. I couldn’t do anything but hug him tighter.

“Are you okay Jack?” Ianto asked sounding slightly panicked.

“It’s you! Ianto, I know you!”

“I don’t understand.”

“I actually know you. You’re Jones, Ianto Jones. You worked at torchwood one and we caught the pterodactyl and you named it Myfanwy. You make amazing coffee; I’ve known you for months!”

He smiled like I had just told him the best news in the world.

“And what do you think of me now that we’ve met?” he asked shyly.

I put my arm around him and guided him so he was laying beside me in the large bed.

“I think the world of you.” I paused to kiss him gently “you are the most amazing man I have ever met and ever will meet.”

I didn’t realize I was crying until Ianto brought his hand up to wipe away one of my tears.

“Why are you crying?” he asked so softly I barely heard him.

“A couple reasons, one being what happens now? Now that I know who you are do I still get to see you when I die?” I asked nervously.

“You don’t have to worry Jack I will always be here for you and I will always wait for you, no matter what; I promise. Why else are you crying?” he asked brushing more tears away making me realize tears were still streaming down my face.

“Something you said to me before...”

He tilted his head to the side like a confused puppy; he’s such an adorable man.

“You said that you’re here because you died, that you were murdered. We work at Torchwood Ianto it’s not hard to figure out that you can’t have much more time! It isn’t fair!”

“Shhh Jack honey calm down I know it’s hard to accept but I’m not gone yet and I promise it will be okay.” Ianto said soothingly running his hand through my hair.

“How will it be okay if you die? I already feel so connected to you and I’m guessing there’s more to come if we end like this.” I gesture at where we are.

“Yes there will be more for us. You just have to trust that it will be okay. Believe I felt the same way when the first time you died! I thought I lost you! But I didn’t and you won’t lose me. Not really cause I’ll always be here waiting and when you’re alive I believe that somewhere deep down you know that I am.”

I couldn’t do anything more than smile at him. Sometimes I remember little things about my time here with Ianto but its all quick fuzzy memories that can’t quite remember. But I’d never take his hope away so I nod and mumble the words “deep down”.

“You stopped crying sir.” He points out with a satisfied smile.

“You make me too happy to cry Mr. Jones.

He smirked slightly before attacking my lips. He is still the most amazing kisser no matter how long I go in between deaths that will never change. But I can’t help but wonder if this is what it will feel like when I kiss living Ianto or if I’ll feel more because it will feel more real. Well more real for me, this is his reality and he already knows how we end, I mean how we keep going…

“How long do we have left?” I ask realizing that the knocking should happen any second.

“Only moments. Can I ask a favour of you?”

“Anything.” I say automatically. And I mean anything, he could ask for the moon and I’d find a way for him to have it, he deserves it.

“Kiss me.”

So I do, though it’s an odd request considering he can kiss me whenever he wants.

“Not now,” he pulls away “I mean you can now too, if you want, you always can. I meant when you’re alive again, even if it seems like bad timing or like it could be your only chance. Please just do it.”

“Alright, whatever you want.” I accept the odd request knowing if he wants it this badly it must be important.

The knocking started faintly and grew louder within seconds. I waved goodbye, knowing it’s upsetting to leave him mid kiss and very confusing when I wake up.

“Also don’t be too mad at me, please.”

“Mad? Why would I be mad?”

“Because of Li…”

XX

I use all my strength to slowly open my eyes. I have a blinding headache that’s slowly fading, probably because there is still a hole in my head. Why didn’t it heal? Not the time, Suzie is still here and still wants to kill Gwen so I couldn’t have been out for more than a few seconds.

“Put down the gun.” she faces me and I continue “Suzie, it’s over. Now come with me.” I say sternly.

She changes the guns position and before I can react she’s shot herself. She falls to the ground and I’m standing here helpless while Gwen goes on about how she remembers us now.


	9. Lisa

Chapter 9: Lisa by vote_saxon

I opened my eyes and gasped for air. Electrocution…interesting. I hadn’t dabbled with that in a long while.

However I had to face something worse than being electrocuted by Ianto’s cyberwoman girlfriend. Ianto Jones had died, drowned right in front of my eyes. Now I was dead and would be too late, for sure.

More concerning was my actual rage at Ianto. Rage that he could ever hide something like that from me. I wasn’t sure if I was more upset about the fact that Lisa was a cyberperson, or the fact that she was his girlfriend. I’ve made him jealous over the years but this was the first time I had to come to terms with the idea that he had loved someone else. This Ianto that I was with in the real world didn’t love me, not yet. But now that he was dead, would he ever be the Ianto that I had grown to love over so many years? Would this whole life we have had in my death be erased?

I searched for him briefly and felt relief to see him sitting and smiling just as he always did when our eyes met. Maybe he wasn’t really dead, he couldn’t be. Ripped from me before our love could even become real? He was my Ianto, the place to lay my head when I died, the beautifully dashing coffee boy…but did I know him really? I tried not to let my fear and anger come through but he knew what time it was.

“My Ianto.” I kissed his forehead and sat beside him. He looked braced for a fight.

“Sir.” Ianto smiled, waiting to see what I would say, I’m sure.

“A lot has happened since I last saw you.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Is this the last time I will see you Ianto?” I asked.

“Of course not!” Ianto seemed shocked, “I promised you I would always be here waiting for you Jack.”

“I just….you died Ianto. You are dead right now, beside me on the floor of the hub. I’m so sorry but we were never in love…you loved someone else.”

Ianto held his head in shame.

“I feel guilty every single day for what I put you through. You tried to kill me that day, do you remember? Of course you do, it’s just now happened to you. I loved Lisa. So much.”

I felt the jealousy rise inside me. It was all tied up with conflicting emotions that wanted me to be angry with Ianto, and punish him for endangering my team, who were still in danger at this moment while I lay dead beside my would-be lover.

“What did you see when you left me, Ianto?”

“Sir?”

“You are drowning, and I can’t save you. Right now, and that’s real. Real for me and real for you, in my real life, when I am awake. What did you see? How do you live to become the man I know you are?”

“That’s completely up to you, sir. You save me then, just as you always have.”

I thought this was just absurd because Ianto was always the one saving me, but clearly this was important for him to say.

“I won’t remember this Ianto. This is just my mind playing tricks like always… You know I have my doubts about how real this place is…this could be my last time to see you, to kiss you, to hear your voice. I am so scared that the man I am, when I wake up, won’t miss you and love you the way I will. Why couldn’t we have that?”

“We will have that Jack, I promise you with everything I am, with every cup of coffee I have ever made, I promise that I live and breathe every moment for you and when you wake up, and your heart will know that you can save me. Only you.”

“What did you see when you were drowning, Ianto.”

He hesitated for a moment and finally, eyes closed admitted the dark truth.

“Nothing. Nothing at all, darkness.” He shuddered.

“I wish that I could be for you, the way you are for me.” I replied sadly.

“The man who is drowning doesn’t know what you mean to him…to me. There was no reason for my mind to seek you out in the darkness.”

“I may not have loved you yet…but somehow I will love you always throughout time. Our time together will come, sir. I promise.”

“I will wait for you, Ianto, because you are worth waiting for.” I whispered, overwhelmed by the wall of emotions I did not know what to do with. This Ianto did not deserve my wrath and yet I was sure If I saw him again when I awoke, I will tear him apart for endangering my team. I was an asshole and somehow he loved me anyways.

“And Lisa?” Ianto asked.

“Lisa is a part of your life, just like Angelo was a part of mine. I’m absolutely furious but, I know what you did was out of love. Just, a woman, Ianto? Surely you must have known things always go sour with women…” I chucked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Of course. How could I have been so foolish?” Ianto cracked a small smile. “I did love her, very much. She was my first, Jack. But you, are my always.”

“Do you promise me that I will see you again living and breathing Ianto Jones? Because I don’t think I could breathe anymore if I couldn’t see you every day.”

Ianto’s voice caught in his throat. “I’ll be here waiting for you sir, no matter what. Save me sir, like I know you can. See me again.”

-

I woke up on the floor of the hub, sprawled out in a highly unnatural way, my arm outstretched into a puddle of water. Of…WATER-IANTO! My fingers were almost touching his, and I felt drawn to him, I needed to get him out of that water IMMEDIATELY. I needed to save this boy, this man. He couldn’t die, not like this! How could he die knowing that someone he loved so much could destroy his life? He needed to come back and it needed to happen right NOW.

I was over taken with urgency as I flipped him over and found his mouth. I tried to do CPR, to the best of my ability but it just wasn’t working! I needed to get out of here quickly, time was running out, and maybe Ianto’s time already had!

I was overwhelmed with a urge I never had before an as I felt the last of his life slipping away from me, I started to kiss him.

Suddenly, he started to breathe! It was a miracle! Could that have been me? Did I bring Ianto Jones back to life? He had been dead, of this I was sure. Now he was breathing and blinking and moving and I had never felt so happy before.

I jumped up and pulled him along, remembering the situation. I was very cross with him and we needed to get away from here-FAST!


	10. Staying The Night

I force myself to get out of range rover, still getting used to the pain of being shot. I winced in pain as I walked closer to Gwen.

“What are you gonna do?” 

“If Abaddon is the bringer of death, let’s see how he does with me. If he feeds on life, then I’m an all you can eat buffet” I explained.

“No, wait. Wait, you’re too weak”

Before I could tell her why I had to be the one to do this, that this was the only way to stop Abaddon. It was too late; Abaddon was stomping down a block of flats nearby.

“Get out of here. Go! Drive as fast as you can” I told Gwen hoping she’d go quickly before anything terrible happens.

“Jack” Gwen said but I ignored her in favour of getting Abaddon’s attention.

“Bring it on!” I yell.

I get Abaddon’s attention easily and take a deep breath as he approaches me. As soon as his shadow falls over me I can feel the pain coursing through my veins. That along with the bullet wound cause me to fall to my knees screaming in pain. I could feel my life being taken from me with each stream of energy that left my body. It wasn’t long before everything went dark.

X

I’m surrounded by the calm atmosphere of the cabin but the only thing I see is the beautiful sight of my Ianto. 

“Hi” I greeted him gently with a smile.

“Hi Jack” 

It took less than a moment to close the space between us and to have his lips on mine. Even though it hadn’t been long since I last kissed Ianto, well living Ianto, it still felt like too long ago. 

“It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you sir. How have you been?”

“I’ve been good. Been spending most of my time with you. I mean living you, the other you… there’s really no polite way to talk about this is there?” I stumbled out.

“It’s okay Jack” Ianto chuckled.

“Maybe. It just seems weird to talk about you with you”

“I suppose that makes sense. But if you’d like I can make us some coffee and we can talk about it or about anything”

“Sounds wonderful” I agreed.

Ianto nodded and left to the coffee room. I followed him out of the room and waited by the door as he prepared the coffee for us. Once it was ready we moved back to the love seat. It was a nice change from laying on the bed like we have the past few times I’ve died.

“Even though it’s been awhile for me I feel like I should thank you for saving my life”

“You’re welcome; I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you. We’ve gotten so close since then”

“Yes I remember how close we became in the short amount of time after Lisa” Ianto smiled at the memory.

“I was wondering though, why did you never tell me about her? We could have figured something out” I asked him curiously.

“Torchwood kills people like her; I didn’t think anyone would react well so I just didn’t tell you. She was my first love and I wasn’t ready to let her go”

“I’m sorry for what we had to do” I told him sadly.

“It’s okay, I’ll always have you”

“Well for now but eventually something will happen to you and I’ll have to find a way to live without you”

“You have done it before” Ianto teased.

“Yes, but not before knowing how wonderful you are”

“Thank you Jack”

“You’re welcome”

I leaned in to kiss him just as he started leaning in. it wasn’t until he pulled back that I realized I had been here awhile. 

“Why is there no knocking? Not that I’m complaining but shouldn’t it have started by now?”

“You have experienced a very traumatic death Jack, it’s going to take awhile for your body to heal itself. You may be here for quite some time”

“Do you know how long? I’ve always wanted to explore this place” I said eagerly.

“I’d say hours. If you want to think up more rooms we can explore them. Or if you’d like there is something I would love to do” he said shyly.

“Anything you want Ianto”

“I’m not sure how long it’s been for you but for me it has been a really long time since I’ve been able to fall asleep next to you. I’ve really missed it”

“That sounds amazing” I couldn’t believe that out of anything we could do he just wanted to sleep. He was so adorable.

We walked to Ianto’s bedroom slowly, just because we both knew we had the time. It was nice not to be rushed with him. We got to the room and stripped down to our boxers; that seemed to be the only thing either of us had to sleep in.

I’m not sure if that was how he normally sleeps or if my mind allowed him to only have a certain amount of clothes here. Knowing me there is a good chance it’s the second one.

We climbed into bed and I immediately pulled him close to me so we could cuddle. 

“Goodnight Jack, I’ll wait for you always”

“Goodnight my love”

We kissed goodnight and settled in before his breathing turned even. I watched him sleep for a couple moments before kissing his forehead and closing my eyes, falling asleep within seconds. 

X

I take in my surroundings without opening my eyes. I can hear Tosh and Gwen speaking above me, they’re saying I’ve been dead for days. I can hear Tosh walking away, then a feel Gwen giving me a small kiss before she leaves as well.

“Thank you” I manage to say then hear her running back.

She helps me off the storage cubicle I had been placed on before I try walking on shaky legs. Once I was able to move on my own she let go and we went into the main room of the hub. 

As I walk in the room I wait to see who will notice first. Turns out its Tosh, she rushes over to hug me and I hug her back tightly.

Next is my sweet Ianto. I hug him to me and we kiss passionately for a few minutes knowing we will come back to it later. It feels as though I was just kissing him.

I turn to Owen next, knowing my death has changed the situation between us.

“I…” Owen started but I interrupted him.

“I forgive you”

Owen broke down crying in my arms. I hug him tighter and look around at my team, my friends. I hate that I have to hurt them with the uncertainty every time I die.


End file.
